Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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