wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
