I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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