Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
