I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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