My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
