AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
