if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
