1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
