I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
