She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
