May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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