i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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