he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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