You smell like stripper and shame
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
