You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
