I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
