ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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