im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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