I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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