You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
