Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
