fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
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