Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
what the fuck happened to the tacos
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
