he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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