I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
