vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just invented taco cereal.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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