so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
