I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
