I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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