shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
