So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
