what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
