he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
