Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
