Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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