I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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