Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
