Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
