Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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