you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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