she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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