school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize