...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
