he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
