I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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