Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
