i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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