I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
