Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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