he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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