Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
