i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
