I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
