So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
