i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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