At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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