Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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