There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
