I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
